Even when your out on your own,
finally,
and the rawness you've been looking for collapses and
surrounds you washing away all the ties of machinary life
and the normal,
the feeling of emptiness still sneaks around.
The feeling of scared and turning back,
not knowing, uncertainty, and regret.
It's all still there gut checking you at every corner.
If ignored for too long, your guts might spill out onto the sidewalk
and forever there's the stain of cramped, lifeless, and empty.
You will hack a lung, tasting the real salt of the world,
all your grit and courage will suspend forever out of your mouth.
Then you will know darkness and fear of living,
only then will you get so far out, that the path gets overgrown and moldy
and everything exists only for a momentary experience,
a story to tell all your friends and family at christmas.
All of this will happen very slowly, and things will seem good for a long time
and the light will seem to shine just for you.
But, eventually the dark comes for everyone and it is not forgiving.
You will scramble and cling to what light remains
small things: a smile from an old women sitting on a porch,
light mist by the oceanside,
stacks of rocks in the desert heat,
the sight of baby deer following their mothers through endless rows of corn.
But it's never enough
Soon all the light will vanish forever
and you'll roam the earth in search of the light that sifted through your hands.
The glue that once held the peices of you together will soften and slide to floor.
There you'll stand naked and hollow with just your soul, impressionable, and waiting for instructions
clueless.
Not so different as how you were when you were part of everyday average
missing all the nectar from the tree
but seeing plenty drink their fill.
You can't force the light of life inside of you
you can only hang like a sail and happen upon a breeze every so often
and soon, after a while
just being out on the water
will be all you need.