beautiful in retrospect
even the dark things, the horrible things
i've learned to learn and that makes them necessary
i can wish to turn back time
i can wish on every star in that sky and all the planets that orbit them
but what's done is done, and i have to live with that
you have to live with that, we
have to live with that
and it's hard oh it's so ******* hard
to know i could've ...should've would've
if i, but i didn't, but if only
that's not how this life works
this life is fair and we all get what we deserve
in some way or another
all of our cards are dealt equally
and i have no room to complain
just room to beat myself up, endlessly, my own personal layer of hell
i could do that forever
(i have done that forever)
but now is my time
to not dwell on the ugliness of things
but master the lessons from them
to see the beauty in every excruciating part of me
in every memory that burns
because it was put there for a reason
it might take lifetimes to figure out
but i have discovered patience, and the eternal sunshine of love that strengthens me
as i continue on through this labyrinth of myself
finding clues and taking notes on life's vague meanings
i find that darkness is mandatory
so that you may appreciate the light.