I am not getting high in the basement with the best friends of my life
Or standing in the back a pickup truck, arms outstretched in a million lights
I am not throwing popcorn or laughing or smiling or feeling
I am crumbling and everything is wrong
So wrong
We are supposed to be living and loving and dreaming and feeling "infinite"
We are supposed to come back from our hospital beds stronger
But I am locked up in my room in the dark and it's 3 am so if this is where I should be then why does it feel so ******* lonely
I want to laugh so hard my stomach hurts
I want to listen to music too loud in the passengers seat
If nothing else I want to talk to someone other than my mother and my therapist today
I want to live I want to live I want to live