waiting can cause panic
as sure as any fire in the room
while breathing becomes shallow
too little liquid courage
to drown my doubts
left in the puddles that gather
in the cracks of the sidewalks
                                                         - crossing paths
lead to the crumbling wall
that was once impenetrable
that still my heart calls home
my once beating, never ceasing
existence, a fire, a flame, a spark
left to burn down to ashes
a gutted ruin caused by worry
that reigned (rained?) from the sky

a world of color blanketed now
in all the shades of grey
a twilight where i may never
sleep, yet never wake
just race the thoughts that run
circles and circles and circles
in my head as the minutes tick by

i thought i was stronger than this
i told myself that i would not fall
and yet how the best laid plans
of mice and men fly to the wind
at the chance of love, the greatest
walls crumble at the chance to belong
and the very essence of my soul
strains at bonds, slips free
and sings to the sun of its hope

hopeless i am
lost in the ocean
emotion overflows
and yet i sit in my sinking ship
and refuse to feel, fail, and feel again