why do I love rejection
why am I projecting meaning onto a little grey arrow
why do I feel like my entire body is a leg that fell asleep
why am I pending
why are we pending
why do I feel so out of place in a room of friends
why am I so sad to people I love happy
why am I this selfish
why is it that I cant see a car without thinking about the moss on your windshield
why am I seated on the gross tiled floor in a dingy room trying to ignore the thought of you
why cant I look at my favorite sweater anymore
why cant I drink milk or drive that strip of highway
why cant I remember how love felt with someone else
why do I forget that I mean so little to you
why do I let that small reminder affect me
why did I let you replace my big A with your little e
why cant I listen to Beethoven without feeling scared
why do I let your rejection become me
why did scary tyler, or uninhibited jules, or violent todd, or lovely katherine let their names become rejection too
why am I so scared that losing you means forgetting me
why has it been 1 month and nine days since we last spoke
why do I count that
why do I feel like disassociation is my default when you aren't there to tell me it isn't
why am I not able to look in that envelope without losing breath
But most importantly why do I love yellow when its eviscerating to look at