Jul 2016
I just wish that you could have known, how badly it was that I needed you to make me feel special.
Like I was worth a little time focused on me, like I was worth rushing home to.
Just to be a shoulder to cry on, to be the protector.
Where we wouldn’t have to do anything,
I wish you could have wanted to be there for me, known how hurt I am inside and how little I feel.
I wish I still meant something to someone,
Like I belonged somewhere.
Like I wasn’t just the last thing on the list to cross off.
Cause I don’t want to not matter anymore.
I wish you could have seen that I needed you to need me.
I needed to be loved, and just be acknowledged, for someone to understand that I feel like I have no meaning anymore.
Not a single reason to exist.
I wish I didn’t know that you would walk out the the door, and just make some crack about me.
I wish my life wasn’t just this, being alone, thinking about all the memories in my head.
I wish I wasn’t just a joke to everyone.
I wish you still thought the world of me, and you can say you do,
But you don’t, you can’t and behave like this.
You cant take one hour away from your phone, or a day away from your life.
To be there for me.
I said I would try, but it hurts cause you are still going on your path,
that is so far from the one I need to regain my life.
It hurts a lot that youre not here, especially today.
Cause today is the anniversary of the worst day of my life,
And the most traumatic too.
You didn’t even think about that, or what that is doing to me.
You didn’t care when you walked out the door that I felt like this.
You still went and made that crack to your new friends.
You still left and I still wont really cross your mind.
I really needed to though,
Cause now I think I know for sure.
That I will never be what I once was to you.
We will never get that back,
That you are already gone.
You can say it is for money, you can say it is for me.
But the truth is, if it was for me,
You would’ve seen the thing I needed was just time and love,
With no judgments.
No sighs, no insults, no little digs about the time you had made for me,
or the potential money lost.
Cause we need money yes,
But what is money gonna do when I have totally lost who I am?
Will you be there for me at all when I just stare off into space,
because I feel that I am closer to that than anything right now.
Like I was worth a little time focused on me, like I was worth rushing home to.
Just to be a shoulder to cry on, to be the protector.
Where we wouldn’t have to do anything,
I wish you could have wanted to be there for me, known how hurt I am inside and how little I feel.
I wish I still meant something to someone,
Like I belonged somewhere.
Like I wasn’t just the last thing on the list to cross off.
Cause I don’t want to not matter anymore.
I wish you could have seen that I needed you to need me.
I needed to be loved, and just be acknowledged, for someone to understand that I feel like I have no meaning anymore.
Not a single reason to exist.
I wish I didn’t know that you would walk out the the door, and just make some crack about me.
I wish my life wasn’t just this, being alone, thinking about all the memories in my head.
I wish I wasn’t just a joke to everyone.
I wish you still thought the world of me, and you can say you do,
But you don’t, you can’t and behave like this.
You cant take one hour away from your phone, or a day away from your life.
To be there for me.
I said I would try, but it hurts cause you are still going on your path,
that is so far from the one I need to regain my life.
It hurts a lot that youre not here, especially today.
Cause today is the anniversary of the worst day of my life,
And the most traumatic too.
You didn’t even think about that, or what that is doing to me.
You didn’t care when you walked out the door that I felt like this.
You still went and made that crack to your new friends.
You still left and I still wont really cross your mind.
I really needed to though,
Cause now I think I know for sure.
That I will never be what I once was to you.
We will never get that back,
That you are already gone.
You can say it is for money, you can say it is for me.
But the truth is, if it was for me,
You would’ve seen the thing I needed was just time and love,
With no judgments.
No sighs, no insults, no little digs about the time you had made for me,
or the potential money lost.
Cause we need money yes,
But what is money gonna do when I have totally lost who I am?
Will you be there for me at all when I just stare off into space,
because I feel that I am closer to that than anything right now.
