if the devil weren't more commonly known as an angel who fell from grace,
perhaps my standards of perfection wouldn't be impossibly high.
from birth we are told to prove our worth,
that we're covered in sin from the outside in
yet there is a loophole for redemption.
that if we get on our knees, bow our head, and close our eyes
that if we have a pure heart, a steady mind, and unbreakable determination
that if we follow the rules, eat the bread and drink the wine
we will succeed. we will be pure. we will be beautiful.
I look at you and stare blankly.
my former self is completely unaware of how close I am to heaven.
I look at you and stare blankly.
my former self is completely unaware of the power of prayer.
I look in the mirror and stare blankly.
I stand with Judas. My old friend. A liar, a fraud, you are misguided. I love you. I love you. I love you.
I look at you,
I reach my hand to you,
You take it. You grab my hand and break it.
How do you love someone who does not know the world.
Who associates it with textbook knowledge, who does not know the beauty of a mother's soft caress, who fears rejection because it's all they know.
how do you love someone who is full of hate for their own soul.
the wicked do not rest, neither does your impure mind.
tonight you've made a sinner pray. tonight.
I drink the wine, I eat the bread and I pray.
on my knees, head bowed, eyes closed.
pure heart, clear mind, determined.
Do you think the Devil tried to earn God's trust back? Do you think a text message fixed their relationship? That God required minimal effort in order for redemption?
I lay down,
I close my eyes,
I count to 10,
and dream of a world when we will meet again.