again and again i find myself drawn
back to places in which i used to hide
to futures mapped out with best friends
and soulmates too early found
on late night phone calls and skype windows

i built my future around him
and it has been years since i've seen him
weeks since i heard his voice
and meer days since i liked a photo

i wonder if he ever thinks of me
as i think of him
but i know i built my future
on a love like an ocean
deep and unpredictable and washing away

he chose something,
someone, much more solid
he found a foundation
to build his home upon
and i am left
building a castle in clouds above a torrential ocean

i know at once and not at all suddenly
that he has a future
and it does not include me
and even if it did
i am not the same

i must find the voice
in my head
that tells me
i can be happy on my own
i just have to know myself
and i find that was always part
of the challenge