And this time around things feel different,

I always wanted a partner who would look at me as though I had flowers growing out my roots, intertwined with my wild hair,

I always wanted a partner who would hold me like I was their glue, as though I was the only thing holding them together,

I always wanted a partner who wanted to explore me, who would never feel as  though they had reached the end of me, who always felt as though I was more - because I've always wanted to be so much more,

And I always wanted a partner who would be besotted with me, who would adore me, who would stare at my naked body every time I got undressed and wonder how the hell the universe came up with me,

I always wanted a partner who would love me, I want to be loved.

I always wanted a partner like you.
But then I do what I always do.
I shut my lover out.
I force them to hate me.
I've been yearning for you for so long that I just continue to yearn, to want, to need...
Something more perhaps?

But how can I have more when I have a lover who looks at me like I am the ******* earth, who looks at me as I though I am the reason for summer.

I always wanted a partner like you.
But then I do what I always do.
I shut my lover out.
I force them to hate me.
And lover, don't you see?
Don't you see that this is not me?
That I am pushing you away because I love you.
I am pushing you away because this is me.