What do I expect to find?
When my ship cannot sail any longer.
When my bones turn to dust.
When I reach the end.

What do I expect to find?

I gave up on finding a way back to you
Many many moons ago.

Every time I visited
Nothing had changed
But the look on your face

No longer showed the pain.

The pain I had caused for years.

And our children smile just the same.

I gave up on the end.
I threw myself over and under
Every violent wave
And I tried to drown myself
In every brown bottle.
I gave up on god.

He never answered me anyways.
If He was ever there,
He must’ve taken the same route as me.
And drowned himself in a bottle too deep to survive.
What do I expect to find?

When I write to no one.

When I scream at the moon,
Even though it was I
Who caused the monsoon.

And I can’t stop.
You’re always there.
In every word I speak.
In every breath I breathe.

In every line
In every poem

In everything.
And I’ve tried to cleanse myself of you.

Maybe it’s not what I’ll find.

Maybe it’s what I’ve found.