I’m not the kind of nasty guy
Who’d leave a nice girl high and dry.
When you need me most, I’ll be there,
With handy handkerchief in hand.

That’s right, I’m really pretty cool.
I always enunciate and rarely drool.
Though I guess my pillow’d beg to differ.
Unless you drool a lot, or suffer from liver quivers.
I’m certainly not the kind of who’d judge someone’s oral secretions.

All I know is that I like you lots,
Even more than tater-tots,
And that really does say a lot.
Trust me, I really like tots.
Would you like some tater-tots?
I do happen to have quite a lot.

Silly me, all this talk of tot and tater
Makes me realize the night is growing later.
Mother Moon really is a big hater.
Was that just a lazy rhyme for later?
It’s hard to say, but hey, did you like the cater-
Ing? I know it was mostly taters, but you know…
Potatoes are known for their versa-tater-ility.

Ah! What I meant to say is you look quite pretty.
From your eyes to your toes, I’d say… hit me!
Not that I’m into that sort of thing, no, not me.
Only you’re cool with it? Then sure… slap me
Around a little! Here’s my head on a tee.
I should apologize, my self-deprecating tendencies seem to be kicking in roughly again tonight.
And golly! That last line was long.
I seem to be getting this all wrong.

All I mean to say is that I’d like to kiss your face
But only if you’re cool with it. I’m not one
To take advantage of a girl, or tell her her place.
Trust me, I had a sister who put me in my place
Like A-LOT! Ha! No… no sisters actually. I still know my place.
Just please don’t hit me in the face.
Unless you’d really like to, I guess. Wait, no, that’s weird to say.
Just give me a moment to compose my thoughts and say
What I really want to say to you today, or er, tonight, really.

…I love you. There I said it!
No need to regret it!
Wait, please don’t walk away!
I really do mean what I say!