I woke up this morning in a fright
I had a dream and I haven't had one like
this in a while but it was different I wasn't me
in the dream I was watching the dream
I had awoken from seeing me
blooded wrists and crying
for forgiveness my skin no longer pale
but strikingly red I was scared and he was
coming to help me but what if he was too late
the once white cloths are now stained a bright but
dark red and my just crying and sitting on the floor
of my bedroom and my parents and siblings all out
going to see a movie I didn't want to see yet
and I decided to call him for help to call the one
person I didn't want to know about this if it was to
happen and my head pounding hard and me thinking
" I ****** up I ****** up I ****** up" over and over and over again
head pounding so hard I think I am going to pass out and I am
not sure if it's because of the blood lose cause it can't be that much blood
can it? It was only 3 cuts I think or was it 4 or 5?? I don't quite remember
Now I am freaking out cause I don't remember how many and I want to
look but I don't want to get blood on the floor and about 5 minutes passes
and I am about to give up and close my eyes and go to sleep and then I hear
running and I think I am imagining it my bedroom door is closed so I can't
see if anyone is actually there or if I am imagining the running I hear banging
on the bathroom door I must have closed it I am just sitting on my legs leaning over
with my arms resting on my legs with the red cloths on my wrist and I hear a loud
bang on my door and someone say " where the hell are you Lizzy?" and I want to make
a noise but I can't and I don't I just stay sitting like that in the middle of my bedroom
with ****** wrists staring at the cloths and I hear a bang at my door again and
I want to make some type a noise and right before I do the door opens
and he is there just staring at my tear streaked face and then he looks
down and sees the cloths the ****** gross cloths that I want to burn
and his face changes and I see pain and sadness and almost every emotion
in his face and I just start crying more and more and saying " I am so sorry I just
I didn't mean to I didn't mean to I don't know what happened I just" he looks
at me and says "just be quiet you are working yourself up more which will just
make you bleed more" I feel like I am about to pass out and he is keeling on the ground
in front of me and he is about grab the cloths off when I just lea forward and lay my head on his shoulder and close my eyes and I keep them closed I want to g to sleep and get away from the nightmare and he softly picks up my head and says starts saying things like, " you can't go to sleep wake up you can't give up on my come on just open your eyes come on lizzy" and he starts yelling those things at me and I just don't have the energy to say something cause I am about to fall asleep in his arms like I have always wanted to and right before I am about to dose off maybe for a little bit or maybe forever he says with his voice breaking; " You said forever and always." and that hits ,y bran and my heart and my eyes start to flutter and they open and he says, " Oh thank god..." he lifts me up and starts carrying me and then I fall asleep and then I wake up in real like all sweaty and I instantly check my wrists they are clean except for some black ink and I start freaking out cause
all I could see when I blink is my sitting there with ****** wrists and I don't know if I should tell him about this dream or keep it a secret... could it ruin our relationship if he finds out later? and what happens f this dream becomes a reality I don't want it to though but I keep having similar dreams but this one was the worst and bothered me the most...
I just don't know what to do anymore but I know one thing is I do not at all want to die.