I don't want to say they are the same. you get high off of nicotine but i get high off the pain. We are not one in the same.  Laced my veins around my neck because its the only way to get my brain to stop the talking. I swear to god I've written my letters over a hundred times just to say goodbye to some people who never understood why i was always under the weather. While I'm painting pictures across this ivory fortress to pretend I'm worth more than a dollar sign your spending your weeks wages on a pack of camel silvers. I wish i could inhale every head rush you get so then all i have to worry about is the coming down not the sting from the peroxide. Not the whispers or the stares as if i cant hear their words etched in acid oozing down my already damaged body. I am damaged goods please don't look at me. Don't look at me. Don't.
I remember every reason why but you don't even know why you pick that last cancer stick up.
You see this one with the curve at the end? My mom told me i was the equivalent of an unpaid bill and that's all i'd ever be so i let the pain do all the talking. This long one down my thigh,that's the one  most people gaze at you see i did it and let my legs be covered like the dirt going over a coffin. A little kid asked me what happened not knowing what to say i froze like a deer in headlights and let someone else make my excuses for me. I was just another excuse to be made anyways.