Jul 2016
it's been a while since i last wrote something.
it's been a while since i last felt anything.
NOW I AM FEELING EVERY SINGLE EMOTION I HAVE EVER KEPT BOTTLED UP INSIDE ME ALL AT THE SAME TIME & IT'S TEARING ME UP ALL I WANT TO DO IS SIT IN THE DARKEST CORNER RESEMBLING MY EMPTINESS & THE DARK DAYS & CRY MY EYES ALL OUT.
it's been a while since anyone asked me how i was feeling.
it's been a while since i last said "i'm fine," not because i actually felt fine, but because i was used to say "i'm fine" just to avoid having to explain myself even though nobody wouldn't understand.
i don't really know how much time has it been since anyone asked me how i was feeling, because they think of me as an emotionless person, BUT RIGHT NOW ALL I NEED IS SOMEONE TO ASK ME HOW AM I FEELING SO I COULD EXPLAIN MYSELF EVEN THOUGH THEY WON'T UNDERSTAND BECAUSE I DON'T NEED THEM TO UNDERSTAND I JUST WANT TO LET EVERYTHING OUT BECAUSE IT'S EATING MY SOUL WELL NOT MY SOUL BECAUSE IT WAS EATEN LONG AGO BEFORE I COULD EVEN REMEMBER I COULD FEEL ANYTHING AT ALL I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO HOLD ME & ASK ME HOW AM I FEELING & LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY BUT NOBODY EVER DOES BECAUSE THEY THINK OF ME AS AN EMOTIONLESS PERSON THEY THINK I'M JUST LIVING LIFE TO THE FULLEST JUST BECAUSE THEY SEE A SMILE ON MY FACE BUT WHAT THEY DON'T SEE IS THAT MY SMILE IS SHATTERED I AM BROKEN INSIDE & I CAN'T FIX MYSELF NOBODY CAN FIX ME I CAN'T FIX WHAT I AM MADE OF I CAN'T FIX THE ONLY THING I HAVE EVER KNOWN & I DON'T NEED TO FIX IT I JUST NEED SOMEONE TO LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY & TELL ME EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY EVEN THOUGH I KNOW NOTHING WILL EVER BE OKAY BECAUSE NOTHING EVER GOES OKAY I AM SHATTERED I AM BROKEN THIS IS WHO I AM DON'T FIX ME JUST LISTEN TO ME.
it's been a while since someone hugged me.
it's been a while since i last felt someone else's touch.
it's been a while since i last let someone hug me.
it's been a while since i last let someone touch me.
it's been a while since i last let someone get close enough to even whisper my name.
it's been a while since i last let someone BECAUSE THAT MEANS THEY GET TO HUG ME & TOUCH ME & WHISPER MY NAME & GET CLOSE & THE ONLY THING I HAVE EVER LET HUG ME OR FEEL ME OR TOUCH ME OR WHISPER MY NAME OR GET CLOSE ENOUGH IS MY DEPRESSION & EVERYTIME MY DEPRESSION COMES AROUND I FEEL UNWANTEDLY TOUCH I FEEL MY DEPRESSION HUGGING ME BACK TO MY BED KEEPING ME THERE WHISPERING MY NAME EVERYTIME MY DEPRESSION COMES AROUND I LET IT CLOSE ENOUGH I CAN FEEL THE SOUL INSIDE OF ME DYING OVER & OVER AGAIN & I CAN LISTEN TO THE VOICES IN MY HEAD WHISPERING MY NAME SINGING LULLABIES TELLING ME I'LL BE OKAY IF I STAY IN BED BUT WE ALL KNOW STAYING IN BED WILL ONLY MAKE IT WORSE BECAUSE I WILL DETERIORATE MYSELF BUT THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT BECAUSE DEPRESSION KEEPS ME IN MY BED & IT KEEPS ME COMPANY IT MAKES ME FEEL SOMETHING IT TELLS ME EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE OKAY IT TELLS ME EVERYTHING I NEED TO HEAR EVEN THOUGH I KNOW IS NOT TRUE MY DEPPRESION IS THE ONLY THING ASKING ME HOW I FEEL WHEN IN REALITY IT'S THE ONE KILLING ME BUT I RATHER DIE SAYING HOW I FEEL THAN NOT SAYING OR FEELING ANYTHING AT ALL I AM SO FULL OF EMOTIONS RIGHT NOW & ALL I WANT TO DO IS SING LULLABIES WITH THE SOUND OF MY CRY & LET THE TEARS TOUCH MY SKIN I WANT TO FEEL OKAY FOR A WHILE BECAUSE I KNOW THE EMPTINESS WILL COME BACK TO ME BECAUSE IT ALWAYS DOES BUT I RATHER DIE WITH COMPANY THAN DIE BY MYSELF & UNHEARD.
it's been a while since i last felt anything.
NOW I AM FEELING EVERY SINGLE EMOTION I HAVE EVER KEPT BOTTLED UP INSIDE ME ALL AT THE SAME TIME & IT'S TEARING ME UP ALL I WANT TO DO IS SIT IN THE DARKEST CORNER RESEMBLING MY EMPTINESS & THE DARK DAYS & CRY MY EYES ALL OUT.
it's been a while since anyone asked me how i was feeling.
it's been a while since i last said "i'm fine," not because i actually felt fine, but because i was used to say "i'm fine" just to avoid having to explain myself even though nobody wouldn't understand.
i don't really know how much time has it been since anyone asked me how i was feeling, because they think of me as an emotionless person, BUT RIGHT NOW ALL I NEED IS SOMEONE TO ASK ME HOW AM I FEELING SO I COULD EXPLAIN MYSELF EVEN THOUGH THEY WON'T UNDERSTAND BECAUSE I DON'T NEED THEM TO UNDERSTAND I JUST WANT TO LET EVERYTHING OUT BECAUSE IT'S EATING MY SOUL WELL NOT MY SOUL BECAUSE IT WAS EATEN LONG AGO BEFORE I COULD EVEN REMEMBER I COULD FEEL ANYTHING AT ALL I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO HOLD ME & ASK ME HOW AM I FEELING & LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY BUT NOBODY EVER DOES BECAUSE THEY THINK OF ME AS AN EMOTIONLESS PERSON THEY THINK I'M JUST LIVING LIFE TO THE FULLEST JUST BECAUSE THEY SEE A SMILE ON MY FACE BUT WHAT THEY DON'T SEE IS THAT MY SMILE IS SHATTERED I AM BROKEN INSIDE & I CAN'T FIX MYSELF NOBODY CAN FIX ME I CAN'T FIX WHAT I AM MADE OF I CAN'T FIX THE ONLY THING I HAVE EVER KNOWN & I DON'T NEED TO FIX IT I JUST NEED SOMEONE TO LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY & TELL ME EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY EVEN THOUGH I KNOW NOTHING WILL EVER BE OKAY BECAUSE NOTHING EVER GOES OKAY I AM SHATTERED I AM BROKEN THIS IS WHO I AM DON'T FIX ME JUST LISTEN TO ME.
it's been a while since someone hugged me.
it's been a while since i last felt someone else's touch.
it's been a while since i last let someone hug me.
it's been a while since i last let someone touch me.
it's been a while since i last let someone get close enough to even whisper my name.
it's been a while since i last let someone BECAUSE THAT MEANS THEY GET TO HUG ME & TOUCH ME & WHISPER MY NAME & GET CLOSE & THE ONLY THING I HAVE EVER LET HUG ME OR FEEL ME OR TOUCH ME OR WHISPER MY NAME OR GET CLOSE ENOUGH IS MY DEPRESSION & EVERYTIME MY DEPRESSION COMES AROUND I FEEL UNWANTEDLY TOUCH I FEEL MY DEPRESSION HUGGING ME BACK TO MY BED KEEPING ME THERE WHISPERING MY NAME EVERYTIME MY DEPRESSION COMES AROUND I LET IT CLOSE ENOUGH I CAN FEEL THE SOUL INSIDE OF ME DYING OVER & OVER AGAIN & I CAN LISTEN TO THE VOICES IN MY HEAD WHISPERING MY NAME SINGING LULLABIES TELLING ME I'LL BE OKAY IF I STAY IN BED BUT WE ALL KNOW STAYING IN BED WILL ONLY MAKE IT WORSE BECAUSE I WILL DETERIORATE MYSELF BUT THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT BECAUSE DEPRESSION KEEPS ME IN MY BED & IT KEEPS ME COMPANY IT MAKES ME FEEL SOMETHING IT TELLS ME EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE OKAY IT TELLS ME EVERYTHING I NEED TO HEAR EVEN THOUGH I KNOW IS NOT TRUE MY DEPPRESION IS THE ONLY THING ASKING ME HOW I FEEL WHEN IN REALITY IT'S THE ONE KILLING ME BUT I RATHER DIE SAYING HOW I FEEL THAN NOT SAYING OR FEELING ANYTHING AT ALL I AM SO FULL OF EMOTIONS RIGHT NOW & ALL I WANT TO DO IS SING LULLABIES WITH THE SOUND OF MY CRY & LET THE TEARS TOUCH MY SKIN I WANT TO FEEL OKAY FOR A WHILE BECAUSE I KNOW THE EMPTINESS WILL COME BACK TO ME BECAUSE IT ALWAYS DOES BUT I RATHER DIE WITH COMPANY THAN DIE BY MYSELF & UNHEARD.
