it's about 1 am and i know i should be asleep because i am meeting you tomorrow morning for breakfast. i don't know if you'll ever read this. maybe you will one day, but for now, at this moment, it's somewhat of a journal entry. i love you. i have never loved anyone like i love you. it is both terrifying and wonderful. (**** now i am crying). from the moment i met you i knew you were someone special. i can't quite describe it but i had a feeling in my chest when we first met. i love you so much. i love your freckles. i love your laugh and your smile. i love your voice. i love the way you can always tell if i'm upset. i love that you hate onions. i love that you try vegan food with me. i love that you're honest. you're a good man. you have a strong heart. you're smart. you're trustworthy. i love that you wear that plaid shirt because you always look amazing in it. i love that you yell at people outside on the road. i love that you randomly have turtles. i love that you keep your stuffed animals. i love how you smell. i love how you're still a kid at heart, but you're a man when you need to be.  the first time we had ***, i cried because i knew i liked you and i thought i would tarnish what we had going. i was so, so wrong. i consider that time the first time i ever truly had *** because i wanted to so badly and i wanted to look at your face while we did it because i wasn't so afraid. that was the first time i truly enjoyed it. that was the first time i felt something special. i didn't have to close my eyes and i didn't regret it. i won't ever regret it. even now i'm more than glad it happened. i love your house too. i tend to tie people to locations. your house is one of comfort. i find complete peace laying in your bed, listening to your breath. i love how you bite your nails. i love how your hands feel, whether they're holding mine or your fingers are in my mouth. all i want to do all day is be with you. whether we're sleeping or ******* or watching movies or driving around.

i ******* hate fate. what we have is something so golden. i never thought i would experience something like this. before i met you, i assumed i would grow heartless and be doomed to never loving someone. thank you for opening my heart up. i still don't understand why this beautiful thing we have had to blossom at this time, but i am sure there is a reason. we'll just have to figure it out i guess.

thank you for everything. for the late nights talking and driving and eating fries and ******* in risky places and hugging each other when we're sad and napping and cooking potatoes after work and going to prom and playing with puppies and throwing salami and messing around in cars and telling each other secrets, and most of all, thank you for showing me what love really is. i love you. i will always remember you no matter what happens.