we ruined each other
we broke each other
and we each handled it differently

you found shelter in the arms of someone else
i held myself with nothing but alcohol and my own two hands
i couldn’t bring myself to touch anyone else
because it felt like betrayal

you found comfort in the arms of someone else only 90 days later
i kissed a boy no less than 13 months after i’d kissed you
i couldn’t bring myself to touch anyone else
because it felt like betrayal

that summer, when i kissed him, i had to stop for a second
to rid myself of the guilt i knew was creeping up on me
knowing i was letting him touch me in places you’d never seen before

i felt guilty
can you ******* believe it
i felt guilty that i was letting someone else touch me

after you ruined me yet again,
i kissed that same boy and i did not hesitate a second
he tasted like cigarettes and alcohol and i’d learned to love it
because it was nothing close to the way you tasted

we ruined each other
but i learned to live with myself, to deal with the person looking back in the mirror
while you are stuck holding on to someone else because you are terrified of your own reflection