I have to say
I don't see the point in trying to fight
When every night feels like a losing battle with your own mind
And the consolation prize is you're still alive
Well, "alive"
Define life
'Cause I'm pretty sure this isn't it
And I'm trying to feel it
Trying to find it
Hoping maybe I'll get it if I turn the music up loud enough
Sing my heart out enough
Write my thoughts, feelings, fights down enough
But I'm pretty **** scared that it's not enough
And it'll never be enough
But *******, that's enough of "enough"
I wanna outgrow this
I wanna leave this town and forget it
I wanna do everything they say isn't "realistic"
I wanna prove that I'm worth it
Mostly to myself
But to everyone else who contributed to my hell as well
Though I have to say
I'm really tired of trying to fight
And it'll be a long time in this battle with my mind
And I don't know how much longer I can keep pretending to be alive
'cause I'm not really alive
And when I define life
I know this isn't it