My heart weighed heavy with the decision
that I was about to make.  Here I was
standing outside in the rain...
in front of her house.

Should I or should I not?  
The question bounced
around my head like an
insane man
in a padded room.

I stuck my hands in my pocket
and brushed up against
a quarter.
A sudden strike of simple realization
I can let the universe decide.

Heads, yes. Tails, no.  Simple.

I flipped the coin, saw it spinning
carefree through the air, ready
to simplify my decision.  Every
time the coin flipped, I reflected
on what had brought me
to this point

Tails
How she smashed the dinner plate over
my head during an argument.  The way
she looked at my friend.  How she told
me she could never trust me.  She told me
she never loved me.

Heads
The way she would show up to work
in a sundress and bring me my
favorite food.  The smile that should
be framed up in the Louvre. She told me
she'd always love me

Tails
The blood staining the cold tile floor
in the bathroom.  The locked door
and the sobbing.  The sleepless night
convincing her to stop.  She said that
she didn't want to live

Heads
The way she'd sneak up and hug me
when I was cooking dinner.  The way
she'd sigh as we entwined in sheets.
How she knew my soul.  I'm sure that
she was happy.

Tails
The Lies. The uncertainty
The pent up Anger.
The lonely nights awake
The fear

Heads
The love.  The rapture.
The silly poems.
The feeling of oneness.
The happiness


The coin landed.
I didn't look at it.
I walked to her door
and I told her....