I step outside your front door
And immediately my whole body goes numb
I can feel my skin rising up as the first goose bumps form.
The journey to the car seems all too short and familiar.
Every step and inch closer makes my heart ache to collapse
There is emptiness in your eyes
As you routinely hug us goodbye
Why can you not face me or them or her?
Those three words are cancer to your tongue.
If only you knew,
If only anyone knew
that the second your out of sight
I begin to tremble and fight to choke back my fears
Silently tears stream down my face,
One after another, never ceasing to stop.
For each tear,
I wish and pray
That everything would just go away
I need a new beginning
I need a new homecoming.