I wanted nothing more than to pass the phase where every word I wrote unintentionally echoed your name. I  yearned for the day I'd learn to write all your memories out of my mind, I still wonder how I could ever think that was possible, when each syllable I wrote was inspired by you.
bittersweet. you were not present, but your presence lingered in every thought I spelt out, your essence in every droplet of ink. still, there remain  pages upon pages reminding me of what used to be, what could have been, and my soul, how I wished we would have been.