i closed my eyes and i saw us in a car. me driving, you in the passengers seat. its very bright out. you turn and do that smile where you squint your eyes with it in a way i find adorable. my imagination finds its best memory of your voice that it can, but saying nothing in particular. it's weird to imagine because you are self conscious about your voice and id also imagine about your smile. the only feeling i can attach to it is "guilt", as if i forced you to speak when you didnt want to. it's vulnerability and it is supposed to feel unpleasant, but knowing that doesn't necessarily make it any less so. i even feel a vulnerability i haven't felt in quite a while in writing all of this down (and hopefully telling you)