The thoughts circle in my head.
Darkness
Pain
Anxiety
Desperation
I am gonna go to jail.

I am gonna miss family court.

I'm gonna lose my only reason for living.

The one, who loves me.
Doesn't respect me.
Sees no issue in me feeling degraded.
I'm losing.
I'm drowning.

Why go forward?
Why fight?
      For what? Myself?
I don't even know who I am anymore.
And even less do I know if I'm worth anything?
I do know I just constantly hurt.
Why don't my tears mean anything?

I feel as if I can't move.

I feel u human.

Hated
Disgusting
Repulsive

Why would I try to move forward?
Why fight?
         To feel even lower?
Less even more?

What am I after I lose the one last hope I cling to?
What happens when that last piece of my soul breaks?
Why? In a roomful of people, do I just feel awkward? Unwanted?
Pathetic?
So different?
I give up
I don't know what to fight for anymore

Fight
      And
           Lose
                Fight
                      And
                            Lose
I just show my girls how to lose.