Jun 2016
you loved saying you love me
in the lonely mornings, when we were hundreds of miles away; in the rare, rare mornings when we were mere inches away - you’d say “i love you” instead of “good morning”, instead of “how’d you sleep”, instead of “let’s get breakfast”, and it felt natural, and i can’t say either anymore, and my friends think it was you who made me this rude but i see nothing casual in any word you’ve ever used
in the lonely evenings, when we were at different parties at different parts of the country; in the extremely rare evenings when we were watching a movie in my bed or in your bed - you’d say “i love you” instead of “try not to drink too much”, instead of “this movie is great”, instead of “i’m sleepy, good night”, and it felt so ******* natural, and i can’t say either anymore
you betrayed me, you ****** me over, lured me into trusting you so that now i can’t trust the barista at the coffee house i visit when they tell me the price of my drink
i used to be eloquent and i used to tell everyone what was on my mind and i used to never stop talking, now i shrug, i sigh, i walk past people because why would i say hello when it meant i love you coming from you, and i can’t love anymore, and saying hello would make me a liar and i don’t want to hurt people the way you hurt me
and i betrayed you, i ****** you over, lured you into trusting me so that now you probably can’t say you love your friends in fear they would want something more too
in those evenings, i’d say “i love you” instead of “i want to take off your clothes”, instead of “never leave me alone”, instead of “my body needs your body more than oxygen”, and i felt guilty as hell, because it sounded innocent but i have always been a monster, slick, sneaky, waiting to attack, and i don’t say any of these anymore, i just take what i want from people, and my friends think it was you who made me fear expressing my emotions but i no longer have such
in those mornings, i’d say “i love you” instead of “please kiss me”, instead of “i already miss you”, instead of “i can’t stop thinking about you”, and i felt disgusting as hell, and i don’t say any of these anymore
i hated saying i love you
in the lonely mornings, when we were hundreds of miles away; in the rare, rare mornings when we were mere inches away - you’d say “i love you” instead of “good morning”, instead of “how’d you sleep”, instead of “let’s get breakfast”, and it felt natural, and i can’t say either anymore, and my friends think it was you who made me this rude but i see nothing casual in any word you’ve ever used
in the lonely evenings, when we were at different parties at different parts of the country; in the extremely rare evenings when we were watching a movie in my bed or in your bed - you’d say “i love you” instead of “try not to drink too much”, instead of “this movie is great”, instead of “i’m sleepy, good night”, and it felt so ******* natural, and i can’t say either anymore
you betrayed me, you ****** me over, lured me into trusting you so that now i can’t trust the barista at the coffee house i visit when they tell me the price of my drink
i used to be eloquent and i used to tell everyone what was on my mind and i used to never stop talking, now i shrug, i sigh, i walk past people because why would i say hello when it meant i love you coming from you, and i can’t love anymore, and saying hello would make me a liar and i don’t want to hurt people the way you hurt me
and i betrayed you, i ****** you over, lured you into trusting me so that now you probably can’t say you love your friends in fear they would want something more too
in those evenings, i’d say “i love you” instead of “i want to take off your clothes”, instead of “never leave me alone”, instead of “my body needs your body more than oxygen”, and i felt guilty as hell, because it sounded innocent but i have always been a monster, slick, sneaky, waiting to attack, and i don’t say any of these anymore, i just take what i want from people, and my friends think it was you who made me fear expressing my emotions but i no longer have such
in those mornings, i’d say “i love you” instead of “please kiss me”, instead of “i already miss you”, instead of “i can’t stop thinking about you”, and i felt disgusting as hell, and i don’t say any of these anymore
i hated saying i love you
