When she held me, I felt like an earthquake,
shrapnel cutting quick to the bone.
I’m disaster, an unknown
kind of danger is the most dangerous
When he held me, I felt like a riptide,
all control ran out the door.
With the rum and cappuccinos
I felt out of place in my new home
When she held me, I felt disgusting,
every move my own betrayal.
Yes, she hurt like a gunshot
but I did this to myself
When he held me, I felt strange,
like I should give my whole self.
He never asked, I’m thankful.
I don’t want to ruin everything else
When she held me, I felt like a secret,
like I was something small and wild.
In a room of screaming children,
we were something invincible
He never held me, but that’s alright.
Someone tell him I understand.
Take it slow, like we’re new friends.
I’m alive for once
No one touch me, I don’t want it.
Stop breathing down my neck.
My throat fills with vomit,
But the hands never rest
No one touch me, leave me alone.
Stop pressing on my back.
There are thumbprints on my wrist bones
and handprints on my thighs
Don’t touch me when you aren’t here.
So many years have passed.
Is it trauma? I don’t care.
The filthy feeling always lasts
Don’t touch me when you aren’t here.
Nobody ever has to know.
When you’re sitting by your lonesome
Nobody cares, you’re on your own
Nobody cares, you’re on your own