Im trying to figure out if I'll ever feel as raw with anyone as I did with him. Even now, I'm so happy, and treated so well, and I'm attracted and immersed and even growing attached, but I've yet to feel the ache. I don't feel moved like the turning tide like how he made me. I'm not turned inside out, but I'm wondering if that's okay, if that's a good thing, if I've just never known peacefully pure love and I'm just used to being torn apart and confused and on fire with inconsistency. Part of me misses that, part of me says that when I feel the rolling drop again is when I will again know love, but I can't trust that as the honest truth.

Maybe real love is not splattered all over the walls. Maybe it is soft orange, glowing and caressing the ceiling, the floors, the window. Maybe it's different with every two individual people, like different colors make their own colors in turn.
I'm just always stuck in the middle, feeling like I know and feeling like I don't. Knowing... do you really know when you know? It's like I have five fragments of heart and they all want something different. There I go again, talking, talking.