I have lived my life a perfect rendition
of toddlers  circling scrawl
always looping back
always colored an emotion
that was
to absolute to be appropriate

just a little to honest
and real
circling

I remember plain as day the sun of your smile
and I replay the color of your changing behind my eyes every night
I have traced over and over the feel
of your running away
of your hiding away
of your lines and color
the exact lay
of the paradigm shift
leaving lots of blank space
for the parts of you I don't know now.

Your sunshine smile died
or got lost in the shift, or in the space
and I miss for things you aren't now.
I miss a person who no longer exists.

I honer her
the little girl you laid to rest
with your decisions
buried under the weight of a whole life.
when you were just colors you bled
over the entire page

perhaps that is why it feels
like you started over.