Why the hell do we do this to ourselves?
I imagine the bottle being slide across the bar
Back and forth, back and forth
Between those long fingers and
That distant gaze you get when watching the game
But you aren’t really watching, are you?
What you’re trying not to let people see is
The reminiscent guise on your face
While you think that not too long ago
Someone was sitting next to you
Looking off into the distance with thoughts wavering
Between you and them.
Back and forth, back and forth.
But that’s the way it’s always been, hasn’t it?
A little give and a little take until the giving goes shy.
I miss the image I hold in my mind of you.
The mask you wore so keenly for others, but rarely for me.
I could see through the bottles and the cigarette smoke
Filling that dense bar on the main drag.
I could see through the fake smiles to hide the pain
Because I wore the same mask as you.
And now I hold in my mind and in my heart
The memories and unlike any before I cherish them.
I cherish those wonderfully silent moment shared
Where words were not necessary.
While my memories are merely dreams
Hiding in the shadows of my contemplative mind
I will still grasp for them in times like this
Where I look back and all I see is you
And all I hear is your voice filling my head with harsh realities.
You never were one to ******* me.
And so, even on a night like this when my heart is sallow and heavy
I close my eyes and reflect. Happy that my wish to forget you
So many times had not been granted.
Even as you’re the concrete latched to my legs
As I tread these cold waters, I am content.
Content to have known you and loved you.
Content to have shared something worth treading for,
Whether you see the shore for the breakers or not.