*******
Agitated
Broken
Beaten
******
Ridiculous

The bandages have been ripped off whether I like it or not and it's up to me if I want to either watch myself bleed and cry about it or watch myself bleed and let it all flush itself out

Beginning after beginning, I keep creating fresh canvases only to ruin them with paint that won't ever wash out
Soil and soil and soil, it's all I'm ever used to
The feeling of pain and the price of pleasure are both two very similar lines that my body has never hesitated to cross

And my god, I am exhilarated

Jump on me like a trampoline and I swear to god I'll throw you off like a raging hurricane that's upset that we humans are ruining our planet's oceans without a second thought
My rib cage feels like it's been thrown against a brick wall and kicked relentlessly for hours
My mind is as hazy as the endless cigarette smoke you make me fill my lungs with
My inner being is at war with the outside world and I have a feeling that this is only the beginning

As I button down the hatches and hope for the best
I know that solitude will never make its way to me
I have to fight and fight and fight and never stop until I see it in my sights

I heard that if you want to make a living in this life, it's best to get your heart broken as many times as you can
That maybe if your heart bleeds just a little bit more each time, it will scar over and never stop becoming stronger
It puts hair on your chest and fire in your eyes and you deserve at least that much

This is a ******* war path and my struggles are wrapping themselves in knots at every twist and turn
But this is what I am here for, believe me when I tell you this
The tears in my eyes and the pain in my stomach are filling me up with rage that only the heavens will understand

This is no longer just a battle, it is war now
I am no longer just a soldier, I am a commander now
If there is anyone that could possibly take control and fight the good fight, it is I
If there is anyone that could possibly understand what is happening, it is I
If there is anyone willing enough to bleed until everything has bled out, it is I

I am a mess, but at least I am feeling
I am a mess, but at least one of these days this will all be over and I will finally be free