as i pack up another cement walled dorm room
a year later
a different boyfriend in my wallet bringing me boxes
and saying he loves me
i am much happier, although not perfect.

and with this fact, i am alright.
i realize that it's not overnight
that i learn what real love or correct treatment is
i realize that although this one ***** me too
it was only once
and not for a year and a half

i realize that this dorm room brought me endless smiles
held me in its small, funky walls and beat up closet doors
held friends and memories and all my strange habits
lovingly in its embrace
for 9 months
and now it releases me to the fold of summer
where i will begin once more
only different.

in going home for the summer
much unlike last year
i hold my freckled cheeks high
shoulders back
stomach still uneasy
still pained,
but with the assurance that it will go away.

in going home for the summer,
i hold all the beautiful things
and the pain that greets me like a dog that awaited my arrival
in my chest
gently
respectfully
more maturely
than before.

one more step up the stairs
little red is closer to peace
not there yet, but closer.