mourning dew on tobacco leaves transgressive pleasure simultaneously deluding and eluding me i remain an equation incapable of comprehending infinity
tantalizing fantasies splashed like water across a stovetop simmering on contact before evaporating with my unconscious thoughts trapped within half-forgotten dreams restless in unending nightmares
a cosmic drift of psychological rifts in a psyche sundered by the fault-line ruptures of cognitive dissonance earthquakes
there's no stitching up the severed seams or recovering the effervescence of innocence lost in our ascent to a rooftop to treat with bliss in the midst of the moon's ambivalence
ii. you are at once absent and present
i thought the stars danced for only us that you put them in the sky so i could study nebulae with the same five senses i'd use to explore you
the stars looked on voyeurs surveying the crush of our bodies listening to the rush of lust leaking past flesh flushed with explicit elixirs
we found the philosopher's stone became ageless in those moments drunk on alchemical toxins poisoning our blood-streams souring the precious draught of friendship we'd cherished for half a decade
the taste of your alcohol-breath still taints my tongue lungs billowing like corpses pierced by carrion a larynx choked with regret while you smoke your cigarettes incapable of going back yet returning ad infinitum
iii. you are at once absent and present
jouissance
1. physical or intellectual pleasure, delight 2. ****** ecstasy
"To escape hierarchical bonds and thereby come closer to what Cixous calls jouissance, which can be defined as a virtually metaphysical fulfillment of desire that goes far beyond mere satisfaction...It is a fusion of the ******, the mystical, and the political." - Sandra Gillbert