i'm writing this because i would like to have a
better answer when i'm asked,
"why did you do that to yourself?"

because i was learning, because i was small
because i tried to do too much on my own.
i didn't know what a mistake was,
and i didn't know they were okay

i did that to myself because i wasn't sure who i was,
but i didn't like her.
(do you like to hurt, i do, i do, hurt me)
i did that to myself because i was cold and hurting,
i wanted love but i was empty--
i broke myself down into a shell, battered and lonely
and waiting for someone who would never come back

i prayed for poison oak, stitches and drug overdoses
i wanted to die from the inside out, i wanted to
do it myself
and maybe someone would realize how sorry i was