PTSD girl says sorry, PTSD girl says 'oh god, what have i done?'
PTSD girl says it over and over again, she repeats these words
she knows to be true forever
because truth is STATIC, YOU ARE STATIC??
'i'm sorry', those are the worst words.
sorry for WHAT, maybe you SHOULD BE
******* SORRY.
i am so ashamed and i hide my anger, please don't leak out,
please please just shut your mouth shut your heart
shut your lungs. hold onto everything
don't you dare grimace don't yell don't quake,
keep it whole keep yourself whole. apologize for  even
THINKING otherwise. puke out your anger.
take it out on yourself. PTSD girl is a secret
don't tell!! they'll ******* hate you

(dissolve me) not that my ego matters.
i crumble i shake i quake i shiver break DISSOLVE
it did on my tongue, i was naive.
i am lost and confused, withdrawing into my own head for safety
the same way i would rip apart my own being
to fell calm. safety is not about sacrifice.
i am lost. invisible disassociation because i do not belong
here, whatever that ******* word means am i even
seventeen? condescending sympathy and my stomach
is i knots knots knots, i ***** i'm sick
i am sick i'm sorry
what if i'm interpreting these signs wrong, although
right is not a priority. i am not broken,
not whole, not pieces, just a soul.
i crave myself, i crave words that i have yet to say,
do you have an elastic heart and do i too,
where can i get one? i am done here
but have much to do. i need to find myself within something
real i do not know where i have gone
please come back i'm missing you
WHERE ARE YOUR WORDS PLEASE