boys don't come with manuals
how-to guides, or instructions
but i hope this will help you to somewhat understand
the troubled mind he is.

he's not very good at remembering plans,
you'll have to remind him constantly
he'll apologize, but he'll do it again
you'll get used to it.

he will put his family before you
in a sense, it is admirable.
he won't introduce you to his brothers,
he isn't close to them anyway,
his mother is judgmental but accepting.
his father left his mother years ago;
but he still sends him half his paycheck every week
something he complains about
but he does it out of love.
the only women he loves more than you are his sisters
the elder will hate you,
he'll tell you she doesn't, but you know
the way she'll avoid your looks
and hiss at him, "she's here"
when you come to visit.

he's tall and lanky
you'll want to laugh at how he walks
he'll fold over in half just to kiss you
you wonder how he does it.
he's as skinny as a twig -
(strange considering the only dates you go on are for food)
but his arms are strong
he'll carry you home, to bed
and hold you close always-
to make you feel safe, or because he feels safe with you
i don't know.

his face is a bit paler than the rest of him
but on his cheeks glow many freckles
that sparkle like millions of stars
they go across his strawberry shaped nose
you'll try to count every one as you lie on his chest
and he rests his chin on top of your head
in the serenity of outer space.

he doesn't know much about soccer
but he'll support any team you don't
just to bother you.
it's cute.
he'll listen to you talk all day about a bad game
and he'll mention something he read about it
even though you were the one who showed him that article.
you won't say anything
even when he pronounces the foreign team name wrong.

he's passionate about film
he wants to be a producer some day
he could do it too if he tried
and didn't spend all his money on ****
and gifts for you.
he'll talk to you about his favorite movies,
but not about the plots or actors
he'll discuss the cinematography and lighting
and how the color scheme didn't match in one scene,
how different this film was compared to others from that director
and that no one appreciates good quality film anymore

he doesn't want to hurt you
but he'll do it anyway.
don't cry in front of him
because it will make him cry too.
he'll take you out for ice cream
and break the news there
that the truth was all along:
he never loved you.