a feeling in my head like it was filled with boiling cement and numbing spikes, it's difficult to handle.

I did bad. I hated the pressure. I want to go with a bang: somersault four stories high with a simple plot twist, that I'm a ****-up
just to close myself off from them, it makes me feel so heavy

Lock myself up in the hospital room's deceased smell,
Several strokes and seizures followed by a dying utterance
"We're just here to plant a dark seed for you to rely on"
There's a shock so strong they are choked into hard, stinging tears and I'm left with a struggle of disconnect; I think they are all faking it

Sitting and thinking and thinking, I'm all in my head
This isn't me; I'm just sitting and thinking and thinking
my head is filled with boiling cement and numbing spikes
I'm so ******* disappoint/ing/ed