24 hours have passed
Since I scorned your invisible hand
Afraid to hate
Though I could feel it in my guts
Churning bile, acidic, soured buttermilk
I dared not spew it out
Hot, cold, lukewarm
All attributes of my intention
Kept in check
Outdated recognition
Misplaced gratitude?
Not so much that you didn't deserve
But come on, now
This paradigm you expect me to thank you for
Has turned out to be more
Than this weak man can stand
And the space that squeezes me
Contorts and packs me
Into a flesh bag of muscle, bones and blood
Is more than I can bear

Every day I stare at clocks
With equal measure
Fear and hope
Their hands drive me to the same low places
Joy, peace, love, happiness
Naught but detours
Tick tock tick tock
Hours are brutal
With midnight just around the bend
I'm gonna want to curse you again

For leaving me in this amusement park
Saying, "I might come back soon
To pick you up and take you home."
But you tricked me
You never left at all

You watched me run to the Ferris wheel
You saw me laughing, galloping on a dead wooden pony
In a merry-go-round stampede
You had to have smiled, maybe even chuckled
When I got smacked by a few bumper cars
With their antennas crackling electricity
I'm sure you relished the sight of my innocence
My enjoyment
The experience
From a place just behind me

Hide and seek is your favorite game

From the tallest tracks of the roller coaster
Once my favorite ride
I could have sworn I saw you
And you knew the jig was up
So you paid the Judas Carney
To go away, to leave
Me alone in a
Cramped, rusted, paint-chipped car
To grow accustomed to the speed
To go round and round without getting sick dizzy
But I don't lift my hands up into the air anymore

I'm sure you're still watching
Hidden just behind the stall in the men's room
Opened to the sky for all to see
I think you're still amused
I've glimpsed your greedy eyes
From the distance
And I swear I saw a grin twist your lips

It no longer makes me happy
To make you happy
It once did
It may well never again
I know that the only way I'll ever come down
Will be
When you get bored
Of watching your dancing chicken


By then I will know
I will not be afraid to hate
Though it may well be too late
For you to expect me to thank
You
For such an awesome ride
In such a cool park
You may even think I like Hide and Seek as much as you
It frightens me to consider
To accept and to confess
That I probably do

So I doubt it's gonna make any difference
If I tell you the truth
I do
I do hate you