its nine at night, and im sitting on the couch
i am watching something - i can't remember
something with moving colors, something with screaming shouts
and the dinner i just ate
ate it late
because i was not hungry earlier
the dinner i just ate
ate it late
sits like a stone in my stomach
my stomach for a reason i cannot fathom
starts to hurt
it hurts it hurts it hurts
and my head starts to spin my throat
it closes
oh ****
am i dying
am i even breathing
i cant tell why cant i tell
oh god
its my throat
am i sick
am i dying
why is this happening
i was just fine a second ago-
whats going on-
oh god-
please help-
getting up i have to move
the dinner i just ate
the dinner that was late
ate it late
its in my throat
its in my head
my head
its blank
im screaming why am i screaming
terrified
afraid
someone is shaking me
i cant see
im pacing
or am i running
am i sprinting
am i going
am i moving
i cant tell
the dinner i just ate
ate it late
because i was not hungry before
someone grabs my shoulders
my mind is laughing
theyre laughing
they find this amusing
im screaming
my face feels wet
is it blood
did i get sick
oh god
my worst fear
is to get sick
to have blood
to be dead
to not breathe
if i fall
i reason
if i fall i am dead
so i move
and i run
but i am held
by my waist
until the mind stops laughing
and my eyes go whie
and the darkness fades
and the dinner
the dinner i just ate
ate it late
is back in my stomach
i look up
and see someone
anyone
with worry in their eyes
and tears down their cheeks
and i see myself in their tears
who has water on my cheeks
and i cry
i cry
i cry because i cant stop them
even if i try
and that someone holds me close
close as close can be
and they whisper in my ear
and they dont let go
even when my sobs have gone to silent breaths
they hold me in their arms
probably hoping
that they can pick up all these pieces
and put them back together
with only their arms
and a little love.