I don't want to slip back into it

I want to wake up early,
I want to eat fruit for breakfast,
I want to turn on the Beatles and run until I feel my legs burn

I don't want to tell my doctor that I smoke cigarettes

I want to pick flowers without being jealous of their beauty,
I want to smile and mean it,
I want to socialize,
I want to tell my crush that I think she's cute and finally take her out on that coffee date

I don't want to tell my mother that her God is not my God

I want to have lunch with my grandparents,
I want to stop my mother's crying,
I want to be familiar with happiness, my god, I want to be familiar with happiness

I don't want to run into my old friends and have them realize that I never grew up,
I don't want feel uncomfortable,
I don't want to beat myself up,

I want to make amends with existence,
I want to befriend Jesus,
I want to walk the field and feel accepted by every flower,
I want to walk by and no longer try to rob them of their beauty

I want to have good habits