my hair is a wild mess and smells like gasoline,
like solvent and you--old spice and hay
you can't chicken out now you tell me
and though I can't see your eyes, your smile
is the whitest thing i've ever seen and makes
my shoulder blades ripple and pinch together
and my pulse unwinds and slows to a heavy
hum--picks up like a bush plane when you
start up your truck.

you throw an old jacket at me,
smirk when you see how i'm drowning in your coveralls
and tell me well, you shoulda worn something warmer
drown out my replies by gunning the engine and I have
no choice but to shut up and hang on--ask me if I had
anything else to do today but barely wait for my answer
you knew better through a grin that I have no problem hearing.

i think about how i've changed a lot in the past two months
how I feel like all of the little girls I used to be are growing up--
how you teach with your voice before your hands and are silent
during my expected bouts of self-doubt, don't shoot the bull, is all you say before I pull the trigger and my ears start ringing--so funny
how I'd trade dozens of other moments just to relive that one over
and over, hear you say i think you hit it, at  least twice more.

You're not smiling but there's sunshine
in your drawl that I can't help but taste,
there's 14 inches of snow outside your door
but you could melt it all blushed with those red flannel cheeks--
can't help but feel like your dog loves me a little more
even when I'm full of fears that you don't bother to coddle but certainly don't ignore--

how even though you're probably hurting
you still want to show me every last thing on this green earth
in your red heart, this stretch of land from here past your
grandma pat's house--
 raise welts--
and snap my thighs
with dish towels
throw snow in my hair but gingerly
pick it out once we're back inside
trash talk my aim but make sure my shirt gets dry
dislodge my sedan near the corral--but not before rolling me into one of
those side embraces, where you tuck me beneath a heavy arm and lift me off the ground, oh,
i never want to touch down
i never want to touch down