I'm definitely more interesting than she is.

I'm not saying this because I'm cocky or confident; I'm not.
I just know I am.

But why do I have to count and quantify a value for a girl?
Why is flesh a commodity?
And why am I trying to up-sell myself?

This self objectification never ends.
It is internalized to a point where I can't even feel emotions from the inside, only from how others would perceive them.

So detached from life.
From self.

I know she must've been great. Your family loves her. You did too.

I don't want to sell myself, but I'm feeling like I have to.
So insecure of my own "worth".

I don't save lives.
I don't even know if I can keep my own.

But I love you.

And she did too.

I can't think of better or worse, how I would stack up or compare.
But do I have to?

Am I my own ****** up ****?