Captivated by the honest lies
of our fair fouled fantasies,
the sound seas
ease away the aches
of the roaring ocean
with the silent screams
that wake the wild dreams
of reality,
when beautiful nightmares
kiss away the tormenting horrour
of this dark cage of the night
filled with the black clouds of humour,
sad rage of anger
raves the heart that heats in vain
for time heals no pain.
Lost in the storm
of heavy heart-felt tears
river banks of agony
never run dry
for each tear drop
dimes the riches
of the myth that
leads a heart in love
'happily ever after'
the dream that forever wakes
to die and never lives long.


Sitting in some-bucks somewhere
Far from home where people want to care
But are just the same not to
Alone reading other people's poetry,
Can't figure out wrong with me,
Lost in my search for the reasons
My heart want's answers
Nothing manifests not one
Production has stopped all together
Only these words answer in echo
Through this empty vessel as an answer
Unlovable one who can't be loved,
Know that the creator loves me
He has to out of obligation
Guess that's enough to be content
Still this heart asks if it's ever going to be our turn
Again no answer only faint echo's in empty chambers
Apparently it's to much to want to live life unalone
This love inside is suppose to be a gift
Yet here it sits unwanted, and unwrapped
Rejected and left to die,
Opened to another lie
Believed because I was the author
Tried my best to adore her,
She shut up every door, and closed the windows
Who know's what's next,
Is it a sin to pose the question
Is it a sin to want to go from one to two that becomes one,
God granted me the capacity
To love more then just me
Yet the bride God promised
Searches for her groom,
Another day passes by
Another birthday spent alone
Another year not wasted but not fulfilled,
And still I wait
Not in vain but in pain,
With a voice that echo's leave in shame.

Still I sit still every happiness stolen and sold
With a heart so broken it won't even hold
With a longing so great it can't be told
Still I sit still every hope gone but refuse to fold,
Gasping for the air of affection
Despairingly in need of a resurrection
The sent your breath carries would work
But you're not coming or going my way,
My heart wants to say
Tomorrow's a new day,
Hold on, it won't be long,
Sing a different song, that one is overplayed
It's time to write a new tune,
One that sings without this disappointing feeling
One that lacks disjointed soul doubt
One that wait's to sell out to God's designation,
Still sitting in deep contemplation
Submit a formal resignation and retire all together,
Would anyone even notice
Or just carry on relieved I was gone,
Finally able to live free
Without fear that my affection,
Might turn in their direction
Might turn into hope that one of them, wanted me,
Not to leave, but to stay,
That's not what they say,
That's not what they want,
Truth be unfolded and told to me plain,
To love me causes pain,
To love me would be insanity, right,
Confusion causes contusion's creating catastrophic cardiac cancer
Left alone without answers,
Nothing but a name on the guest list this Christmas
Dismiss-able, on the principle that i'm a plus none, when I was a plus one
Un-fun now i'm funny,
The end of a bad joke that ends in tragic fragility
What was once a confident personality,
Who was told there needed to be a better me
Before I could possibly love God's mate for me completely.

Now I second guess my quest to offer my best and give someone my all
Action's speak but they fall, no matter how fluently my capability becomes
Speak fluently five languages of agape but they falls on ears that are closed
Apparently the tone of my heart speaks in un-receivables frequencies
In idiotic inconceivable synchronicity's that makes you run from me
As you choose to be in the preferred company of yourself
Now that's rejection in it's purest form, without pretense or hidden division
A decision contrary to the vision that we first cast together,
Feel like a bird without feathers, who runs fast and stands tall,
But never will fly, doomed to dream about the past where he flone
Majestic from a distance now caught in self inflicted cognitive dissonance
Disillusionment is bent on getting in
The moment the guards turn their attention to sin disillusionment wins
God help my cause, can't see past my flaw's enough to fight on my own
Fear i'll end up alone, lonely, all on my own without anyone home to call my own
So Send you're love, from you're throne, love that's perfectly you
So this frustrated son created in your image, reflects an image of you that's true  
Remind me again what your thoughts are of me, only your truth will set me free,
Free from fear, from *******, from offence, from hurt, from pain
This is insane but the strain on my grey matter just wants to matter
My heart long's to stop hurting but try's in vain to explain this pain love always brings
Loneliness effects reality so that the self I see reflecting back at me is left for dead
Get me out of my own head and tell me you relate to the oddness that battles inside
That love child without legitimacy that loves to whisper words of depression at me
It Needs to get grounded and pounded into submission
But right now it is the undisputed champion calling me to another rematch
But right now I am no match so I look to you, and beg you to do something
That is not the me you created or see, so don't let me see something different
Don't you dare let me live be outside of your will, I must abide inside
Where rejection can't come,
Where regeneration comes from,
Where wisdom is dumb
Where I take a knee
Where I look to you, Lord
Where it's all about you, Lord
Where I say to you, Lord, "it's not at all about me"
Where you, only you, Lord,
Lord only you, are Holy not me.