Apr 2016
Some people drink, some people do heroine and some do crack, some hurt themselves, some use other coping mechanisms, some smoke cigarettes. I used to see no point in these things, I used to see no point in drowning your pain and fears in things to avoid your tears. I never understood why people try to forget the things that hurt them by doing things that hurt them?
Until you left, until you came back and asked me why I smoke. You asked me why I do something so stupid something that hurts my body. You asked why I smoke.
I couldn't tell you it was because of you, I couldn't tell you I smoke because I don't wanna face the fact that I... At one point... Saw no point in drowning pain in things that cause pain... I couldn't tell you I smoke to avoid the realization that at one point in time you made me feel so high I didn't need drugs, and now, you make me feel so low I need drugs just to feel normal.
Now you asked about the cigarettes, why I put the cancer stick between my lips and inhale it's desecrating fumes and ruin the lungs that used to breath you in. And I can't tell you again, it's because of you.
I can't tell you that the thought of you makes my hands shake like a beggars trying to hold onto his last dollar and the only thing that slows them down enough to grasp the present is that cancer stick.
I couldn't begin to explain the strange notion that I put the cigarette between my lips to muffle my voice so it doesn't sound the same as when it spoke through my heart to you.
That my clothes still reek of you and the only way to mask that once sweet aroma is to cake it nicotine, tar, jet fuel, arsenic, ammonia... I could keep going but I don't have the time to name the 4,000 chemicals I'm letting **** me, and yet keeping me from killer thoughts. My mind reels from ...THC and nicotine... I know it sounds obscene that I'd let you get to me to this degree and potency, but you don't understand the impact you had on me I fact I don't even think you took me seriously, but maybe that's why you took your leave.
You asked me why I smoke, but I didn't have the heart to tell you it was because of you.
You told me you don't love me anymore, you told me he was better than me and he didn't hold the disgusting habits I'm tied to. I couldn't tell you, when you break his heart like you did mine he'll hold them as close as I.
I couldn't tell you it's always because of you..
Until you left, until you came back and asked me why I smoke. You asked me why I do something so stupid something that hurts my body. You asked why I smoke.
I couldn't tell you it was because of you, I couldn't tell you I smoke because I don't wanna face the fact that I... At one point... Saw no point in drowning pain in things that cause pain... I couldn't tell you I smoke to avoid the realization that at one point in time you made me feel so high I didn't need drugs, and now, you make me feel so low I need drugs just to feel normal.
Now you asked about the cigarettes, why I put the cancer stick between my lips and inhale it's desecrating fumes and ruin the lungs that used to breath you in. And I can't tell you again, it's because of you.
I can't tell you that the thought of you makes my hands shake like a beggars trying to hold onto his last dollar and the only thing that slows them down enough to grasp the present is that cancer stick.
I couldn't begin to explain the strange notion that I put the cigarette between my lips to muffle my voice so it doesn't sound the same as when it spoke through my heart to you.
That my clothes still reek of you and the only way to mask that once sweet aroma is to cake it nicotine, tar, jet fuel, arsenic, ammonia... I could keep going but I don't have the time to name the 4,000 chemicals I'm letting **** me, and yet keeping me from killer thoughts. My mind reels from ...THC and nicotine... I know it sounds obscene that I'd let you get to me to this degree and potency, but you don't understand the impact you had on me I fact I don't even think you took me seriously, but maybe that's why you took your leave.
You asked me why I smoke, but I didn't have the heart to tell you it was because of you.
You told me you don't love me anymore, you told me he was better than me and he didn't hold the disgusting habits I'm tied to. I couldn't tell you, when you break his heart like you did mine he'll hold them as close as I.
I couldn't tell you it's always because of you..
