i thought afterward, we would grow closer
but instead i find myself pushing you further and further away
you are everything i despise because you are everything
i never want to be.
it was almost...easier
to just make it so obvious that i hated you.
now my cheeks sting and my vision is nothing
but red.
our fake life was close to believable.
maybe, in some ****** up, "perfect" world we could have been
normal.
brushed each other's hairs,
you would tell me about your college days,
i would gossip to you about my boyfriend,
i would show you my scars,
i would confess how i cheated and my other sins,
you take me out for my first drink when i turned 21,
and we would become like those perfect people
in those movies, where everything was forgiven.
and all it took to move on was a dramatic monologue
filled with enough tears to drown someone.
that never was life.
i put my fist in my mouth to stop the words
from flying out.
cruel and unforgiving, they would cut you upon contact.
i bite until i taste blood
and wonder if you ever will be happy.
i bite to feel the pain
instead of intense hatred for you
i bite so i will have a reason to cry
for we all know how you feel when you see my tears
the taste of iron forever stays on my tongue
and i look into your eyes
but there's nothing.

it was always the same.