my physical education teacher
once told me i had thunderous
thighs, like two skyscrapers attached
at the top at a 45º angle.

here is how the conversation went down:

‘you’re right, but i don’t
think that’s pertinent right now
as you are no longer my physical
education teacher and you are
interrupting my wedding vows’

oh he said

‘yeah, that’s my family over there.
they’re kind of in a rush for me to get
married so i don’t die alone. so if you
wouldn’t mind stepping aside so i can
finally mouth-kiss this chick’

wow i’m sorry i uh i don’t even
know how i got here this is really
strange **** what year is it even

‘it’s 2015. with all due respect sir,
you are really testing my patience’

jeeze i could have sworn i was standing
in front of a younger you just a second ago

‘listen don’t bore me with your time-travelly
apparition into the future ******* i would
really just like to get married and not have to
punch you in the ****’

sorry sorry what have i done to deserve this
are you sure it’s not 1994 still is this an elaborate
joke oh god oh god

‘just get the **** outta here okay?’

and then he shot himself in the face
like a rising sun that got a little too
self-conscious about the waning moon