It’s nights like this that really get to me. The nights where nothing happens and you can feel something in your soul. There’s something there, lurking and you’re not sure what it is, but you know that it can’t be good. I can feel it now. It’s there, almost taunting me. I have to turn up my music so that’s all I can hear, not even hearing the buzzing of my phone against the wood desktop, not even the keys clicking as I tap e-a-c-h  i-n-d-i-v-i-d-u-a-l  o-n-e. I have to block it out or fill it with something. Something other than sadness and pain. Because I know that’s what’s going to happen if I dwell on it and I know that something is not what I need or want. I can tell what’s going to happen: that sadness is going to come and take me away. I’ll be swept up and carried away until I can’t tell what direction up is or my left from my right. I can’t listen to sad music either; that’ll only make it worse. Because I know what will happen. I can’t let that happen to me, not again. I have to distract myself, otherwise, I’m a goner.