don't for one second try to tell me to calm down.

you should have been telling me to do that when I was frantically searching for my mothers pills so I could swallow them and leave you.

I never found the pills.
I couldn't find the courage to push harder on the blades I pressed down into my skin either.

I drink to leave my own head for a while.
I drink to feel lighter.
I drink so I don't think about wanting to die.

if getting drunk is an alternative to forcing blades into my body then let me get drunk.

don't you dare tell me to calm down.