A year ago today,
down to the last minute;
I never thought my whole world
would come crashing down around me.

Tears fall down my face as I remember,
every single thing you said and did;
a year ago today.

I was so scared,
so lonely and heartbroken,
so afraid of the world,
and it took me so long
to find myself again.

Why did I suffer so much?
Why didn't I have the courage,
to end the pain?
I could have, no...
I should have left you.

If I had have known,
that the walls we spent so long building,
were about to come crashing down around me
by your own ******* hand,
I would have prepared myself.

I'll never forget that paralyzing feeling,
that held me in place,
I eventually crumpled to the ground,
and truly cried my heart out.
To this day,
I still, have never cried harder than I did,
a year ago today.

I vividly remember,
as if I were stuck in a bad dream,
the cold sweat,
and the dry air,
the feeling of freezing snowflakes,
sticking to the crystal tears
streaming down my face.

I ran outside and screamed.
I ******* screamed at the world,
and you.
Oh, did I ever scream at you.
I was so confused...
you never gave me a reason why.

And a year ago today,
I still don't know the reason why.

And it haunts me in every single corner of my entire life.

Why did you leave me so suddenly?
Why did you hurt me so bad, so swiftly?
Why did you enjoy my pain?!

That's still what hurts the most.

I remember the days after you left me,
at school...
you laughed at me,
when I crumpled to the ground,
and broke down completely at the mere sight of you.

You laughed,
as I choked on my own tears and sorrow.
You laughed,
as I slid to the floor and passed out,
when I saw you with that other girl.
You laughed at our entire relationship...
2 years and 6 months meant nothing to you,
3 weeks later...
I guess I'm just easy to replace, huh.

You truly tore my heart from my chest,
and it still isn't there,
but it's growing,
thanks to the boy who's shown me how wrong I was.
You never truly loved me, Simon.
But I know someone who does.
I taste it on his lips,
every time we kiss.
I feel it in his embrace,
as he holds me.
I feel safe.
Brent, loves me.

I've given up on searching for your reasoning,
I need to let myself not care.
I'm sad it has to be this way,
you've carved yourself from my life.
You laughed at me in my darkest hours,
and now, something has dawned on me.

Why has the pain not gone away?
Now I finally know.
My body treats this as a funeral,
because who you were,
has truly died.

You are not the man I fell in love with.
You are not who I called my best friend.
I'd hardly even call you human,
with all that ice in your soul.

RIP, Simon,
though you deserve no peace.
rest in pain; and rot away.

I'll never know the reason why.
You can't ask a dead man.
But now,
the funerals over.
And I'm walking away,
as they cover your coffin with dirt.
I will never ever look back to your grave,
because,
I've started a new chapter in my life.
and it started,
a year ago today.