It's been five months.
It hurts to even write that, more than my flowery words can describe.
Such a long time,
Yet it feels like yesterday that you were mine.
I've been lying.
For five months I've been telling them I'm over it. Over you.
I was lying to myself too.

The truth, dear, is that it still hurts just as much right now as the moment when you said you didn't love me.
God, I remember it perfectly.
And secretly, even more pathetically, I still love you as much as I did then,
And as I did five months in.

I thought it would help if I hated you,
But that's exhausting.
I thought I needed time alone,
I made myself lonely so I could be whole on my own.
I thought I needed to move on,
I've done that, like I ought.
My darling, he's sweet, and smart, he makes me laugh, why is it not enough?
He's good but we'll never be in love.
I thought I just needed time.
But it's been five months.