Today, I just had
My first Christmas
Without you.

I seemed to float
Through the halls
And doorways,
Fighting back the tears.

It's funny how
You were not there,
Yet you were everywhere.

I saw you in every little corner,
In every little space
Of what was once your home.

I saw you in the garden
Admiring your trees.
I could smell your clothes
Before I even set foot in your room.

I felt you when
I drew near your chair.
The wooden chair.
Your favorite one.

You have no idea just how much
I wanted to spend this Christmas
With you.

You have no idea just how much
I want to be
With you.

But then,
I realized and remembered
One thing.

Today, you just had
Your first Christmas
With Him.

I'd bet all the money in this world
That it was a wonderful Christmas
For you because,
You spent it with Him.

I bet when the angels sang
And danced,
You did, too,
Even though I know
You're not much of a dancer.

I bet your laugh
Sounded like silver bells.
I bet that
That one Christmas you spent up there
Was better than all the Christmases
You spent down here.

And that's alright.

Today, I just had
My first Christmas
Without you.

Today, you just had
Your first Christmas
With Him.

And that's alright.

Your pain is gone.
And that's all that matters.

Today, I walked away
From your grave
With a somewhat
Lifted spirit
Knowing that
You just had
Your first Christmas
With Him.

And that's all that matters.