I remember thinking that you were so different from what I had imagined a man like you would be
I pictured a man who would tell me that I was lovely
Or smart
Or beautiful
Or anything at all
I thought that you would want to make me feel something more than wanting
I thought that you would want to make me feel anything at all

I felt that I needed to constantly give you
A space to crash into
To fall apart
To feel safe
To be yourself
For you to think that I was worth anything at all

You were cold to me most days
Warm when you wanted something, but otherwise
It felt as though there was a wall between us
I felt like you were always just about to say something
Then decided against it at the last minute
Like I wasn’t worth the thought

But I found that it was even just your silence that I craved
And I craved most what you couldn’t give to me

Fully and honestly
I wanted you to want to know me
Or even just to pretend to want to know me
And you never did – want to know me