"7:45pm"

it means time and time again that everything is new,
that
magazubes conzine poetry, that spelling is relative.
it means the last kiss is the first kiss,
is the first **** worth this?
it means i am numb, i feel [or fall out] harder than you,
i think until i bleed,
i mumble the streets mid-morning, mid-slipping sleep;
the windows aren't lit, the neighbors still sleep.

it means last night was a quickly remedied failure,
fixed by mix of music and a can of aerosol aimed at
canvas, or a bottle turned inside out, or a typewriter
being taken advantage of.
it means the groping and loving before the fight was
genuine but an uphill, losing battle against ourselves.
it means i love you and hate myself for wanting to
release my grip upon your heart because then you would
be even more hurt and i would be even more alone.

the closer i am too you, the more it blurs. the more
i cannot focus, the more i feel like a locust that
is just greedy and hungry and can't give back what
i've taken from you. i want to give back.
but locusts travel in swarms and eat crops alive;
this is not how i learned to survive.
my heart begs for it to make sense, my head begs
for this **** to stop.